2001: A Space Odyssey?: Hippies... in... SPAAAAAAAAACE

A.I.: Artificial Intelligence?: Spielberg: Genius or idiot? Aaaaand the balance tips toward "idiot."

Adaptation: Is a movie still clever when it's all smug about its cleverness? Or does that just make it smarmy and annoying? Yeah, probably the latter, but it's still not as annoying as the smarmy, self-congratulatory reviews that crop up in its wake. Like this one, for instance.

Alien?: H.R. Giger was a sick freak and Ridley Scott is hit-or-miss. But hey, Sigourney Weaver in tiny underwear. Victory!

Batman (1989): Ever fight with the Joker accompanied by Prince music in the pale moonlight?

Beauty and the Beast?: Remember back when Disney was pretty rad? Yeah, it's been a while.

The Black Hole?: Before Disney was rad, they were really really sucky, as this 1980-era detritus reveals.

Castaway?: Tom Hanks is the everyman. Assuming that every man would freak out and befriend a volleyball if left to his own devices for a few years.

The Corpse Bride?: Memo to Danny Elfman: Oingo Boingo broke up a billion years ago. Stop trying to reclaim your faded pompo-rock glory and just write some scores, man.

Crippled Masters: A inspiring tale of overcoming obstacles in the face of--JK, LOL it's an exploitive low-budget Kung-Fu flick.

Elizabethtown?: Would someone please hire Cameron Crowe to film your music video and just let him get all this nonsense out of his system once and for all?

Final Fantasy The Spirits Within: Finally, a Final Fantasy without an evil empire. Alas that it sucked.

G.I. Joe: The Movie?: This is how childhood memories die -- not with a bang but with a YO JOE!

The Godfather?: Two of the finest films of all time. Shame about that third one, though.

The Goonies?: The usual "GOOD ENUFF" nonsense goes here. You know the drill.

Jurassic Park III?: I kinda liked the original Jurassic Park, but the third chapter left me wondering what I ever saw in it.

Labyrinth?: A wonderfully cheesy movie only slightly marred by David Bowie's horrifyingly revealing pants.

The Last Dragon?: A groovy martial arts flick starring Tiamak, who's a talented enough martial artist even though his name sounds like some sort of new vegan burger from McDonalds.

Minority Report?: Seeing as it stars Tom Cruise, there's probably some underlying Scientology-inspired parable to this flick. But, uh, I won't tell if you won't.

Signs?: A ground-level view of an alien attack on earth. The man-in-the-street version of Space Invaders.

Spider-Man?: Everyone knows that with great power comes great responsibility and all that. But with great comics come great film adaptations? That's much less common.

Star Trek The Motion Picture?: Everyone hates this movie because they suck.

Star Trek II?: Everyone loves this movie because it's awesome.

Star Wars Episode I?: Or as most people call it these days, "Episode I: LOL @ LUCAS."

Titan A.E.?: The creators of Firefly were responsible for this flick. That does not mean, however, that it is in any way good.

Tron?: Not only a brilliant film ahead of its time -- also the only decent reason to buy Kingdom Hearts II!

X-Men?: Sure, the X-Men flicks are good now, but just wait until Magneto gets turned into a baby and Mojo shows up.

Manga and Comics

Golgo 13?: Possibly the most comprehensive English-language index of Golgo 13 information. Which is to say, pretty much the only one.

Welcome to the N.H.K.: A grim but compelling look at the lonely world of nerds.
Volume 1 | Volume 2 | Volume 3


I used to like anime, at least until it became popular in the U.S. and I learned to hate it. Not because it was cooler before it sold out or any nonsense like that -- it's just that back when it was fairly obscure, publishers only translated the best stuff. Once a wider a array of anime started making it way to America, I realized an essential truth: It's mostly crap. As these reviews helpfully indicate.


Bubblegum Crisis?: In the future, the common man will be protected by hot girls who don't wear underpants as they pilot sleek robot armor. I really don't understand why some people refer to this as "dystopian."

Black Magic?: Secretly the best thing Masamune Shirow ever did.

Burn Up W?: A well-meaning attempt at clever satire that became sidetracked by excessive fanservice.

Ghost in the Shell?: Apparently this was the colossal smash hit that allowed Masamune Shirow the freedom to pursue his dream of illustrating nubile cow-girls being milked in the nude. Therefore it is the worst movie ever.

Gundam Wing?: Saving the world, one yaoi orgy at a time.

Magic Knight Rayearth?: You want I should CLAMP you? With these CLAMPs right here?

Nazca?: So it turns out that anime and indigenous South American cultures aren't really a good mix.

Neon Genesis Evangelion?: Or, how I learned to stop worrying and love a pretentious trainwreck-cum-licensing juggernaut.

Patlabor The Movie?: Leave it to Mamoru Oshii to transform a wacky mech comedy into something biblical and ponderous.

Perfect Blue?: Remember how anime is supposed to be light-hearted escapism? Ha ha, yeah... not so much.

Princess Mononoke?: The San will come out tomorrow, bet you bottom-dollar that tomorrow, she'll... go feral and tear out your throat.

Ranma 1/2 Nihao My Concubine?: Oh, too bad. You fall into Nihao My Concubine, wellspring of crappy anime! Very tragic story of bad Ranma movie made many year ago.

Ranma 1/2 OAV Box?: If you buy only one Ranma 1/2 anime collection, this is probably the less wretched. And it's the cheapest, so that's a win for the whole team, there.

Scrapped Princess: Folks, that is no way to treat your royalty.

Record of Lodoss War?: AKA Record of the Bestest D&D Campaign Ever.

Tenchi Forever?: Ironically, this was the last Tenchi I ever watched! "Forever" my ass.

Tenchi Universe?:

Urusei Yatsura?: