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GameSpite | ToastyFrog | Telebunny | Compendium of Useless Information : Site - Games diff
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Site.Games History

Hide minor edits - Show changes to output


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July 28, 2007, at 01:28 PM by 75.18.221.96 -
Changed lines 1-97 from:
Due to my remarkable lack of a social life while I lived in the desolate hell known as Abilene, Texas at the end of the last decade, I ended up falling in with a bad crowd: Online video game fanatics. It took me a few years, but I finally managed to wash my hands clean of the mess early in 2003. Then I was suddenly shanghaied by the opportunity to work for an actual honest-to-holy-moley [[http://www.1up.com | major gaming website]] and let myself get dragged back into the whole mess again. It's been fun, but I think my ability to pretend I don't hate most video games is starting to wear thin.

----

'''[++8-Bit Games++]'''

* Bionic Commando: Until someone else comes up with a game that lets you explode Hitler's skull into a messy shower of blood, Bionic Commando will remain my favorite.
* '''[[060531 | Castlevania]]''': How do you know the Belmonts are awesome? Because not only can they defeat an entire army of Hollywood movie monsters with a bullwhip, they do it while suffering from chronic back problems.
* '''[[Castlevania II Simon's Quest | Castlevania II: Simon's Quest]]''': Simon was something a git, but I did rather enjoy his adventures back in the day, what ho!
* '''[[CodeNameViper | Code Name: Viper]]''': You know how Antz was a pitiful attempt to cash in on the popularity of the infinitely more stylish A Bug's Life? This is like that, except with Rolling Thunder.
* '''[[The Goonies 2]]''': As a sequel, this was so much better than an actual movie would have been. Would Richard Donner have centered a movie's entire plot around saving an underage mermaid with romantic designs on the future Samwise Gamgee? ''I think not.''
* '''The Legend of Zelda''': It's hard to believe the game advertised in that ridiculous TV commercial went on to become Nintendo's most important franchise.
* '''Mega Man''': Capcom has utterly and completely run this series into the ground. Mainly because idiots like me buy any stupid thing that comes along. I'm sorry. So very, very sorr--oooh Rockman Rockman is coming out for PSP!
* '''[[Metroid]]''': Nintendo's last remaining franchise with any dignity. (What's that, you say? Metroid Prime Pinball? Well never mind.) But it stars jellyfish... in... ''spaaaaace''. As a reward for rocking this game's face, you get to wade through lava in a swimsuit. Thanks, Nintendo!

'''[++16-Bit Games++]'''

* '''[[Brandish]]''': This feature was originally pledged as a reward for [[http://www.thegia.com | GIA]] readers who contributed a massive amount of money to keep the site alive. Sadly the site died before I could contribute it, but I wrote the game up anyway.
* '''[[Super Metroid]]''': Look, this is probably, quite simply, the best game ever made. Learn it, live it, love it.

'''[++32/64-Bit Games++]'''

* '''[[Final Fantasy VII]]''': Where the fanboys lurk and jerk.
* '''[[Keio Yugekitai Katsugekihen]]''': The best game ''ever'' about underaged bunny-girls beating all manner of hell out of ancient demons with a squeaky mallet.
* '''Klonoa: Door to Phantomile''': Adult males who admit to liking the Klonoa series run the risk of being called "gay" by arsefaced morons with no appreciation for good video games.
* '''[[Mega Man X5]]''': A flawed but well-meaning X.
* '''[[Mega Man X6]]''': The worst thing Capcom has ever done? Quite possibly!
* '''[[Mr Driller]]''': Superlative arcade-puzzle gameplay; horribly childish aesthetics. (See also: '''[[Mr Driller Drill Land]]''')
* '''[[NamcoMuseum | Namco Museum Encore]]''': A sixth Namco Museum might have seemed a bit like overkill, except for the fact that it had Rolling Thunder. And that made it wholly necessary.
* '''[[Paper Mario]]''': Welcome to the new millennium, where the best Mario games are the weird spin-offs.
* '''[[Strider 1 & 2]]''': Rad as it wants to be.
* '''[[Super Mario 64]]''': Remember when Mario was innovative and important? Me too. Great times... ten years ago.

'''[++Contemporary Games++]'''

* '''[[Animal Crossing]]''': For a brief while, these little babbling animal people were my friends. It was a sad time in my life.
* '''[[Crackdown]]''': It's addictive! Like crack HUR HUR GEDDIT
* '''[[Final Fantasy X-2]]''': Where it went completely insane.
* '''[[Final Fantasy XI]]''': Where it went multiplayer... but you can pretend it's not.
* '''[[Klonoa2 | Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil]]''': The sequel and still pretty OK.
* '''[[Metroid Prime]]''': It's a lot like Super Metroid, except in 3D. And boring.
* '''[[Pikmin]]''': I will probably never have children, but thanks to Pikmin I can't satisfy my paternal instincts anyway. Well, the instincts that don't mind sacrificing a few dozen of my kids to defeat Emperor Bulbax. God, I'm totally going to jail, aren't I?
* '''[[Super Mario Sunshine]]''': Nowhere near the work of genius that Mario 64 was... but still pretty great. Memo to haters: you suck.
* '''[[Xenogears]] | [[Xenosaga 1]]''': Will humanity succumb at long last to the LOLocaust of the Xeno franchise? No. This series will be over once Episode III arrives, and thank god for that.

'''[++Portable Games++]'''

* '''[[A Week with Boktai]]''': Originally posted at 1UP but tragically lost to the mists of time. UNTIL NOW
* '''[[Bionic Commando Elite Forces]]''': Kind of like Bionic Commando's mentally defective little brother. He's sweet-tempered and means well but it's really gross how he chews on the furniture and hits you in the crotch without meaning to.
* '''[[Elevator Action Old & New]]''': The only truly great Elevator Action game is Elevator Action Returns. But this dumbed-down and cute-ified (and incredibly hard-to-find) semi-sequel for GBA can fill the void in your soul in a pinch.
* '''[[Final Fight One]]''': I have spent quite a lot of money on Final Fight games over the years. This is because ''I am stupid''.
* '''[[Gals Fighters]]''': The NGPC died too young. Any system can give us an all-girls fighting game (especially if its name starts with X), but only the NGPC could do it with such impeccably good taste.
* '''[[Ghosts N Goblins]]''': Back in the early days of gaming, people didn't know right from wrong. They actually thought cruel emotional abuse was fun. Good thing we know better now, huh?
* '''[[KlonoaMM | Klonoa: Moonlight Museum]]''': The first handheld game and easily the blurriest.
* '''[[KlonoaGBA | Klonoa: Empire of Dreams]]''': Good for its time, kinda.
* '''[[ZeldaOracles | Oracle of Ages/Oracle of Seasons]]''': Proof that it ''is'' possible for a third party to make a good Zelda.
* '''[[Mario Kart Vs. Krazy Racers]]''': Two portable racers enter, only one will leave. But both look like crap compared to Mario Kart DS.
* '''[[Mega Man Battle Network]]''': Man, I used to actually ''like'' Battle Network. Crazy.
* '''[[Mega Man Complete Works]]''': $30 apiece for all six Mega Man games? 32-bit retro standards ''sucked''.
* '''[[Mega Man Network Transmission]]''': Capcom still thinks that videogames are for sadists after all these years.
* '''[[Rockman and Forte]]''': Capcom passed over this once for U.S. release, and for good reason!
* '''[[Metal Slug Second Mission]]''': The best Metal Slug ever. No, I said ''ever''.
* '''[[Metroid Fusion]]''': It's a lot like Super Metroid, too, but apparently designed by people who hate freedom.
* '''[[Wario Ware Micro Megagame$]]''': This was the world's most pretentious review until that rat Tim Rogers came along :(

----

'''[++FAQs++]'''

God, I must have had so much free time back then.

* '''[[Chrono Break]]:''' The definitive FAQ for the sequel to Chrono Cross!
* '''[[BionicCommandoGuide | Bionic Commando]]:''' Yeah... this is one of those cases where I can't even ''begin'' to rationalize my actions.

----

[+'''[[Retronauts | 1UP Retroblogs]]'''+]\\
Man, have you guys ever tried finding something from a few months back in a 1UP blog? It's, like, impossible. So here's a handy index for you.

[+'''[[Retronauts | Retro/Intro Spective]]'''+]\\
I bought a Sega Master System and played some games. They were mostly pretty awful.

[+'''[[Mariothon | The Mario-thon]]'''+]\\
I'm going to play through every single Mario-franchise platform game ever made. Even the spinoffs. Yes, I bought a Virtual Boy specifically for this project. I'm an idiot with no sense of fiscal responsibility. Rub it in, why don't you.

[+'''[[Metroidvania]]'''+]\\
Free-roaming side-scrolling exploration? Yes please. I love [[Metroidvania | these games]], maybe a little too much.

'''The 20 Most Embarrassing Game Companies Ever'''\\
This series proved remarkably popular and intensely flame-provoking. Unfortunately, I had to cut it short due for political reasons, i.e. there was a real danger I'd actually meet the people I was lambasting. But once I've moved on from working in the gaming press and no longer have to worry about being savagely mauled by angry CEOs, I'm sure I'll pick it back up.

'''The History of Hilarious Religious Symbolism in Video Games'''\\
An old touchstone which has been totally spoiled by my attempt to make it more [[http://hallowedgame.1up.com | legitimate]].

'''[[VigilanteforJustice | Vigilante... For Justice!]]''': I was writing diary-style features about sandbox games before it was ''cool.'' Oh, wait, no... I mean, I was ''leaving features incomplete'' before it was cool. To my knowledge it's still not cool. I'm just ''that'' far ahead of the curve.

'''[[Gamers Versus]]:''' My verbose journey from Nintendo skeptic to Nintendo believer.
to:
This page has moved to [[Games/Main | here]]. It is also organized, now. And looks way nicer.

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July 26, 2007, at 01:36 PM by 205.160.207.254 -
Deleted lines 4-25:
[+'''[[Retronauts | 1UP Retroblogs]]'''+]\\
Man, have you guys ever tried finding something from a few months back in a 1UP blog? It's, like, impossible. So here's a handy index for you.

[+'''[[Retronauts | Retro/Intro Spective]]'''+]\\
I bought a Sega Master System and played some games. They were mostly pretty awful.

[+'''[[Mariothon | The Mario-thon]]'''+]\\
I'm going to play through every single Mario-franchise platform game ever made. Even the spinoffs. Yes, I bought a Virtual Boy specifically for this project. I'm an idiot with no sense of fiscal responsibility. Rub it in, why don't you.

[+'''[[Metroidvania]]'''+]\\
Free-roaming side-scrolling exploration? Yes please. I love [[Metroidvania | these games]], maybe a little too much.

'''The 20 Most Embarrassing Game Companies Ever'''\\
This series proved remarkably popular and intensely flame-provoking. Unfortunately, I had to cut it short due for political reasons, i.e. there was a real danger I'd actually meet the people I was lambasting. But once I've moved on from working in the gaming press and no longer have to worry about being savagely mauled by angry CEOs, I'm sure I'll pick it back up.

'''The History of Hilarious Religious Symbolism in Video Games'''\\
An old touchstone which has been totally spoiled by my attempt to make it more [[http://hallowedgame.1up.com | legitimate]].

'''[[VigilanteforJustice | Vigilante... For Justice!]]''': I was writing diary-style features about sandbox games before it was ''cool.'' Oh, wait, no... I mean, I was ''leaving features incomplete'' before it was cool. To my knowledge it's still not cool. I'm just ''that'' far ahead of the curve.

----
Added lines 77-96:
[+'''[[Retronauts | 1UP Retroblogs]]'''+]\\
Man, have you guys ever tried finding something from a few months back in a 1UP blog? It's, like, impossible. So here's a handy index for you.

[+'''[[Retronauts | Retro/Intro Spective]]'''+]\\
I bought a Sega Master System and played some games. They were mostly pretty awful.

[+'''[[Mariothon | The Mario-thon]]'''+]\\
I'm going to play through every single Mario-franchise platform game ever made. Even the spinoffs. Yes, I bought a Virtual Boy specifically for this project. I'm an idiot with no sense of fiscal responsibility. Rub it in, why don't you.

[+'''[[Metroidvania]]'''+]\\
Free-roaming side-scrolling exploration? Yes please. I love [[Metroidvania | these games]], maybe a little too much.

'''The 20 Most Embarrassing Game Companies Ever'''\\
This series proved remarkably popular and intensely flame-provoking. Unfortunately, I had to cut it short due for political reasons, i.e. there was a real danger I'd actually meet the people I was lambasting. But once I've moved on from working in the gaming press and no longer have to worry about being savagely mauled by angry CEOs, I'm sure I'll pick it back up.

'''The History of Hilarious Religious Symbolism in Video Games'''\\
An old touchstone which has been totally spoiled by my attempt to make it more [[http://hallowedgame.1up.com | legitimate]].

'''[[VigilanteforJustice | Vigilante... For Justice!]]''': I was writing diary-style features about sandbox games before it was ''cool.'' Oh, wait, no... I mean, I was ''leaving features incomplete'' before it was cool. To my knowledge it's still not cool. I'm just ''that'' far ahead of the curve.

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Changed lines 56-57 from:
'''[++Last-Gen Games++]'''
to:
'''[++Contemporary Games++]'''
Added line 59:
* '''[[Crackdown]]''': It's addictive! Like crack HUR HUR GEDDIT

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Changed lines 27-28 from:
'''[++8-Bit Games+]'''
to:
'''[++8-Bit Games++]'''
Changed lines 38-39 from:
!16-Bit Games
to:
'''[++16-Bit Games++]'''
Changed lines 43-44 from:
!32/64-Bit Games
to:
'''[++32/64-Bit Games++]'''
Changed lines 56-57 from:
!Current Gen Games
to:
'''[++Last-Gen Games++]'''
Changed lines 67-68 from:
!Portable Games
to:
'''[++Portable Games++]'''
Changed lines 89-90 from:
!FAQs
to:
'''[++FAQs++]'''

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Changed lines 27-28 from:
!8-Bit Games
to:
'''[++8-Bit Games+]'''

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Changed line 5 from:
[+'''[[1UP Retroblogs]]'''+]\\
to:
[+'''[[Retronauts | 1UP Retroblogs]]'''+]\\
Changed line 8 from:
[+'''[[1UP Retroblogs | Retro/Intro Spective]]'''+]\\
to:
[+'''[[Retronauts | Retro/Intro Spective]]'''+]\\

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Changed line 17 from:
'''20embarrassinggamecompanies | The 20 Most Embarrassing Game Companies Ever'''\\
to:
'''The 20 Most Embarrassing Game Companies Ever'''\\
Changed line 20 from:
'''Religion in Gaming | The History of Hilarious Religious Symbolism in Video Games'''\\
to:
'''The History of Hilarious Religious Symbolism in Video Games'''\\
Deleted lines 32-33:
* '''[[Final Fantasy X-2]]''': Objectively terrible, subjectively awesome.
* '''[[Final Fantasy XI]]''': Even pretending this is a real Final Fantasy game doesn't make this any fun.
Deleted lines 40-42:
* [[Final Fantasy IV]]: Where it finally got good.
* [[Final Fantasy V]]: Where it finally became flexible.
* [[Final Fantasy VI]]: Where the storytelling came into its own.
Deleted lines 45-46:
* [[Final Fantasy VIII]]: Where it got all emo.
* [[Final Fantasy IX]]: Where its creators became craven panderers.
Changed lines 47-48 from:
* [[Klonoa1 | Klonoa: Door to Phantomile]]: Adult males who admit to liking the Klonoa series run the risk of being called "gay" by arsefaced morons with no appreciation for good video games. It's a fair trade-off.
* [[Klonoa Beach Volleyball]]: 100% more awesome than DOA Extreme Beach Volleyball.
to:
* '''Klonoa: Door to Phantomile''': Adult males who admit to liking the Klonoa series run the risk of being called "gay" by arsefaced morons with no appreciation for good video games.
Deleted line 49:
* [[Metal Gear]]: All the proof you need that mullets cause premature aging.
Deleted line 58:
* [[Final Fantasy X]]: Where story took control once and for all.
Deleted line 60:
* [[Final Fantasy XII]]: Where it became perfect.
Deleted lines 70-72:
* [[Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance]]
* [[Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow]]
* [[Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow]]
Changed lines 76-78 from:
* '''[[KlonoaGBA | Klonoa: Empire of Dreams]]''': Good for its time but easily surpassed by...
* [[KlonoaG2 | Klonoa G2: Dream Champ Tournament]]: A completely swell portable puzzler.
* [[Klonoa Heroes]]: A generic action RPG with loose ties to Klonoa. Pfft
.
to:
* '''[[KlonoaGBA | Klonoa: Empire of Dreams]]''': Good for its time, kinda.

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Changed line 17 from:
[[20embarrassinggamecompanies | The 20 Most Embarrassing Game Companies Ever]]\\
to:
'''20embarrassinggamecompanies | The 20 Most Embarrassing Game Companies Ever'''\\
Changed line 20 from:
[[Religion in Gaming | The History of Hilarious Religious Symbolism in Video Games]]\\
to:
'''Religion in Gaming | The History of Hilarious Religious Symbolism in Video Games'''\\
Changed line 29 from:
* [[Bionic Commando]]: Until someone else comes up with a game that lets you explode Hitler's skull into a messy shower of blood, Bionic Commando will remain my favorite.
to:
* Bionic Commando: Until someone else comes up with a game that lets you explode Hitler's skull into a messy shower of blood, Bionic Commando will remain my favorite.
Changed lines 33-35 from:
* [[Final Fantasy]]: Where it all began.
* [[Final Fantasy II]]: Where it all began to go horribly wrong.
* [[Final Fantasy III]]: Where it all began to get interesting
.
to:
* '''[[Final Fantasy X-2]]''': Objectively terrible, subjectively awesome.
* '''[[Final Fantasy XI]]''': Even pretending this is a real Final Fantasy game doesn't make this any fun.

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Changed lines 110-113 from:
'''[[Chrono Break]]:''' The definitive FAQ for the sequel to Chrono Cross!

'''[[BionicCommandoGuide | Bionic Commando]]:''' Yeah... this is one of those cases where I can't even ''begin'' to rationalize my actions.
to:
* '''[[Chrono Break]]:''' The definitive FAQ for the sequel to Chrono Cross!
* '''[[BionicCommandoGuide | Bionic Commando]]:''' Yeah... this is one of those cases where I can't even ''begin'' to rationalize my actions.

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Added lines 112-113:
'''[[BionicCommandoGuide | Bionic Commando]]:''' Yeah... this is one of those cases where I can't even ''begin'' to rationalize my actions.

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Changed line 31 from:
* '''[[Castlevania II Simon's Quest | Castlevania II: Simon's Quest]]''' Simon was something a git, but I did rather enjoy his adventures back in the day, what ho!
to:
* '''[[Castlevania II Simon's Quest | Castlevania II: Simon's Quest]]''': Simon was something a git, but I did rather enjoy his adventures back in the day, what ho!

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Changed lines 30-31 from:
* '''[[060531 | Castlevania]]''': How do you know the Belmonts are awesome? Because not only can they defeat an entire army of Hollywood movie monsters with a bullwhip, they do it while suffering from chronic back problems. Also: '''[[Castlevania II Simon's Quest]]'''
to:
* '''[[060531 | Castlevania]]''': How do you know the Belmonts are awesome? Because not only can they defeat an entire army of Hollywood movie monsters with a bullwhip, they do it while suffering from chronic back problems.
*
'''[[Castlevania II Simon's Quest | Castlevania II: Simon's Quest]]''' Simon was something a git, but I did rather enjoy his adventures back in the day, what ho!

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Changed lines 76-77 from:
'''[[Xenogears]] | [[Xenosaga 1]]''': Will humanity succumb at long last to the LOLocaust of the Xeno franchise? No. This series will be over once Episode III arrives, and thank god for that.
to:
* '''[[Xenogears]] | [[Xenosaga 1]]''': Will humanity succumb at long last to the LOLocaust of the Xeno franchise? No. This series will be over once Episode III arrives, and thank god for that.
Changed line 99 from:
'''[[Metal Slug Second Mission]]''': The best Metal Slug ever. No, I said ''ever''.
to:
* '''[[Metal Slug Second Mission]]''': The best Metal Slug ever. No, I said ''ever''.

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Changed lines 38-39 from:
'''[[Metroid]]''': Nintendo's last remaining franchise with any dignity. (What's that, you say? Metroid Prime Pinball? Well never mind.) But it stars jellyfish... in... ''spaaaaace''. As a reward for rocking this game's face, you get to wade through lava in a swimsuit. Thanks, Nintendo!
to:
* '''[[Metroid]]''': Nintendo's last remaining franchise with any dignity. (What's that, you say? Metroid Prime Pinball? Well never mind.) But it stars jellyfish... in... ''spaaaaace''. As a reward for rocking this game's face, you get to wade through lava in a swimsuit. Thanks, Nintendo!
Changed lines 59-64 from:
to:
* '''[[Mr Driller]]''': Superlative arcade-puzzle gameplay; horribly childish aesthetics. (See also: '''[[Mr Driller Drill Land]]''')
* '''[[NamcoMuseum | Namco Museum Encore]]''': A sixth Namco Museum might have seemed a bit like overkill, except for the fact that it had Rolling Thunder. And that made it wholly necessary.
* '''[[Paper Mario]]''': Welcome to the new millennium, where the best Mario games are the weird spin-offs.
* '''[[Strider 1 & 2]]''': Rad as it wants to be.
* '''[[Super Mario 64]]''': Remember when Mario was innovative and important? Me too. Great times... ten years ago.
Changed lines 73-77 from:
to:
* '''[[Metroid Prime]]''': It's a lot like Super Metroid, except in 3D. And boring.
* '''[[Pikmin]]''': I will probably never have children, but thanks to Pikmin I can't satisfy my paternal instincts anyway. Well, the instincts that don't mind sacrificing a few dozen of my kids to defeat Emperor Bulbax. God, I'm totally going to jail, aren't I?
* '''[[Super Mario Sunshine]]''': Nowhere near the work of genius that Mario 64 was... but still pretty great. Memo to haters: you suck.
'''[[Xenogears]] | [[Xenosaga 1]]''': Will humanity succumb at long last to the LOLocaust of the Xeno franchise? No. This series will be over once Episode III arrives, and thank god for that.
Deleted lines 99-101:


* '''[[Metroid Prime]]''': It's a lot like Super Metroid, except in 3D. And boring.
Changed lines 101-119 from:
'''[[Mr Driller]]''': Superlative arcade-puzzle gameplay; horribly childish aesthetics. (See also: '''[[Mr Driller Drill Land]]''')

'''[[NamcoMuseum | Namco Museum Encore]]'''
: A sixth Namco Museum might have seemed a bit like overkill, except for the fact that it had Rolling Thunder. And that made it wholly necessary.

'''[[Paper Mario]]''': Welcome to the new millennium, where the best Mario games are the weird spin-offs.

'''[[Pikmin]]''': I will probably never have children, but thanks to Pikmin I can't satisfy my paternal instincts anyway. Well, the instincts that don't mind sacrificing a few dozen of my kids to defeat Emperor Bulbax. God, I'm totally going to jail, aren't I?

'''[[Strider 1 & 2]]''': Rad as it wants to be.

'''[[Super Mario 64]]''': Remember when Mario was innovative and important? Me too. Great times... ten years ago.

'''[[Super Mario Sunshine]]''': Nowhere near the work of genius that Mario 64 was... but still pretty great. Memo to haters: you suck.

'''[[Wario Ware Micro Megagame$]]''': This was the world's most pretentious review until that rat Tim Rogers came along :
(

'''[[Xenogears]] | [[Xenosaga 1]]''': Will humanity succumb at long last to the LOLocaust of the Xeno franchise? No. This series will be over once Episode III arrives, and thank god for that.
to:
* '''[[Wario Ware Micro Megagame$]]''': This was the world's most pretentious review until that rat Tim Rogers came along :(
Deleted lines 112-117:
!"Original" Creations

'''[[Mega Man Powered Up]]''': Various stages soullessly crafted by me. Will I ever venture beyond callow rip-offs of 8-bit classics? Erm, probably not.

----

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* '''The Legend of Zelda''': It's hard to believe the game advertised in that ridiculous TV commercial went on to become Nintendo's most important franchise.
* '''Mega Man''': Capcom has utterly and completely run this series into the ground. Mainly because idiots like me buy any stupid thing that comes along. I'm sorry. So very, very sorr--oooh Rockman Rockman is coming out for PSP!
'''[[Metroid]]''': Nintendo's last remaining franchise with any dignity. (What's that, you say? Metroid Prime Pinball? Well never mind.) But it stars jellyfish... in... ''spaaaaace''. As a reward for rocking this game's face, you get to wade through lava in a swimsuit. Thanks, Nintendo!
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* '''[[Super Metroid]]''': Look, this is probably, quite simply, the best game ever made. Learn it, live it, love it.
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* '''[[Keio Yugekitai Katsugekihen]]''': The best game ''ever'' about underaged bunny-girls beating all manner of hell out of ancient demons with a squeaky mallet.
* [[Klonoa1 | Klonoa: Door to Phantomile]]: Adult males who admit to liking the Klonoa series run the risk of being called "gay" by arsefaced morons with no appreciation for good video games. It's a fair trade-off.
* [[Klonoa Beach Volleyball]]: 100% more awesome than DOA Extreme Beach Volleyball.
* '''[[Mega Man X5]]''': A flawed but well-meaning X.
* '''[[Mega Man X6]]''': The worst thing Capcom has ever done? Quite possibly!
* [[Metal Gear]]: All the proof you need that mullets cause premature aging.
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* '''[[Klonoa2 | Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil]]''': The sequel and still pretty OK.
Deleted lines 79-87:



'''[[Keio Yugekitai Katsugekihen]]''': The best game ''ever'' about underaged bunny-girls beating all manner of hell out of ancient demons with a squeaky mallet.

'''Klonoa''': Adult males who admit to liking the Klonoa series run the risk of being called "gay" by arsefaced morons with no appreciation for good video games. It's a fair trade-off.

* [[Klonoa1 | Klonoa: Door to Phantomile]]: The original and still the best.
* '''[[Klonoa2 | Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil]]''': The sequel and still pretty OK.
Deleted lines 83-86:
* [[Klonoa Beach Volleyball]]: 100% more awesome than DOA Extreme Beach Volleyball.

'''The Legend of Zelda''': It's hard to believe the game advertised in that ridiculous TV commercial went on to become Nintendo's most important franchise.
Changed lines 85-91 from:
'''[[Mario Kart Vs. Krazy Racers]]''': Two portable racers enter, only one will leave. But both look like crap compared to Mario Kart DS.

'''Mega Man''': Capcom has utterly and completely run this series into the ground. Mainly because idiots like me buy any stupid thing that comes along. I'm sorry. So very, very sorr--oooh Rockman Rockman is coming out for PSP!

* '''[[Mega Man X5]]''': A flawed but well-meaning X.
* '''[[Mega Man X6]]''': The worst thing Capcom has ever done? Quite possibly!
to:
* '''[[Mario Kart Vs. Krazy Racers]]''': Two portable racers enter, only one will leave. But both look like crap compared to Mario Kart DS.
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[[Metal Gear]]: All the proof you need that mullets cause premature aging.
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'''Metroid''': Nintendo's last remaining franchise with any dignity. What's that, you say? Metroid Prime Pinball? Well never mind.

* '''[[Metroid]]''': Jellyfish... in... ''spaaaaace''. As a reward for rocking this game's face, you get to wade through lava in a swimsuit. Thanks, Nintendo!
* '''[[Super Metroid]]''': Look, this is probably, quite simply, the best game ever made. Learn it, live it, love it.
to:

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* '''[[CodeNameViper | Code Name: Viper]]''': You know how Antz was a pitiful attempt to cash in on the popularity of the infinitely more stylish A Bug's Life? This is like that, except with Rolling Thunder.
* [[Final Fantasy]]: Where it all began.
* [[Final Fantasy II]]: Where it all began to go horribly wrong.
* [[Final Fantasy III]]: Where it all began to get interesting.
* '''[[The Goonies 2]]''': As a sequel, this was so much better than an actual movie would have been. Would Richard Donner have centered a movie's entire plot around saving an underage mermaid with romantic designs on the future Samwise Gamgee? ''I think not.''
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* [[Final Fantasy IV]]: Where it finally got good.
* [[Final Fantasy V]]: Where it finally became flexible.
* [[Final Fantasy VI]]: Where the storytelling came into its own.
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* '''[[Final Fantasy VII]]''': Where the fanboys lurk and jerk.
* [[Final Fantasy VIII]]: Where it got all emo.
* [[Final Fantasy IX]]: Where its creators became craven panderers.
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* [[Final Fantasy X]]: Where story took control once and for all.
* '''[[Final Fantasy X-2]]''': Where it went completely insane.
* '''[[Final Fantasy XI]]''': Where it went multiplayer... but you can pretend it's not.
* [[Final Fantasy XII]]: Where it became perfect.
Deleted lines 61-69:





* [[Castlevania: Lament of Innocence]]
* [[Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse]] | [[Castlevania: Curse of Darkness]]
* [[The Castlevania Adventure]] | [[Castlevania Adventure II: Belmont's Revenge]]
* '''[[060531 | Castlevania]]''' (Also: Vampire Killer, Haunted Castle, Super Castlevania IV, Castlevania Chronicles) | [['''Castlevania II: Simon's Quest''']]
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* [[Dracula X: Rondo of Blood]] (Also: Castlevania: Dracula X) | [[Castlevania: Symphony of the Night]]
* [[Castlevania: Bloodlines]] | [[Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin]]
* [[Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow]] | [[Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow]]
* [[Redacted]]

'''[[CodeNameViper | Code Name: Viper]]''': You know how Antz was a pitiful attempt to cash in on the popularity of the infinitely more stylish A Bug's Life? This is like that, except with Rolling Thunder.

'''[[Elevator Action Old & New]]''': The only truly great Elevator Action game is Elevator Action Returns. But this dumbed-down and cute-ified (and incredibly hard-to-find) semi-sequel for GBA can fill the void in your soul in a pinch.

'''Final Fantasy''': A minor RPG franchise that suddenly exploded into world-wide popularity thanks to the efforts of sprite comics like 8-Bit Theatre.

* [[Final Fantasy]]: Where it all began.
* [[Final Fantasy II]]: Where it all began to go horribly wrong.
* [[Final Fantasy III]]: Where it all began to get interesting.
* [[Final Fantasy IV]]: Where it finally got good.
* [[Final Fantasy V]]: Where it finally became flexible.
* [[Final Fantasy VI]]: Where the storytelling came into its own.
* '''[[Final Fantasy VII]]''': Where the fanboys lurk and jerk.
* [[Final Fantasy VIII]]: Where it got all emo.
* [[Final Fantasy IX]]: Where its creators became craven panderers.
* [[Final Fantasy X]]: Where story took control once and for all.
* '''[[Final Fantasy X-2]]''': Where it went completely insane.
* '''[[Final Fantasy XI]]''': Where it went multiplayer... but you can pretend it's not.
* [[Final Fantasy XII]]: Where it became perfect.

'''[[Final Fight One]]''': I have spent quite a lot of money on Final Fight games over the years. This is because ''I am stupid''.

'''[[Gals Fighters]]''': The NGPC died too young. Any system can give us an all-girls fighting game (especially if its name starts with X), but only the NGPC could do it with such impeccably good taste.

'''[[Ghosts N Goblins]]''': Back in the early days of gaming, people didn't know right from wrong. They actually thought cruel emotional abuse was fun. Good thing we know better now, huh?

'''[[The Goonies 2]]''': As a sequel, this was so much better than an actual movie would have been. Would Richard Donner have centered a movie's entire plot around saving an underage mermaid with romantic designs on the future Samwise Gamgee? ''I think not.''
to:
* [[Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow]]
* [[Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow]]
* '''[[Elevator Action Old & New]]''': The only truly great Elevator Action game is Elevator Action Returns. But this dumbed-down and cute-ified (and incredibly hard-to-find) semi-sequel for GBA can fill the void in your soul in a pinch.
* '''[[Final Fight One]]''': I have spent quite a lot of money on Final Fight games over the years. This is because ''I am stupid''.
* '''[[Gals Fighters]]''': The NGPC died too young. Any system can give us an all-girls fighting game (especially if its name starts with X), but only the NGPC could do it with such impeccably good taste.
* '''[[Ghosts N Goblins]]''': Back in the early days of gaming, people didn't know right from wrong. They actually thought cruel emotional abuse was fun. Good thing we know better now, huh?


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!Game-Specific Articles

'''
[[Animal Crossing]]''': For a brief while, these little babbling animal people were my friends. It was a sad time in my life.

'''[[A Week with Boktai]]''': Originally posted at 1UP but tragically lost to the mists of time. UNTIL NOW

[[Bionic Commando]]: Until someone else comes up
with a game that lets you explode Hitler's skull into a messy shower of blood, Bionic Commando will remain my favorite.

'''[[Bionic Commando Elite Forces]]''': Kind of like Bionic Commando's mentally defective little brother. He's sweet-tempered and means well but it's really gross how he chews on the furniture and hits you in the crotch without meaning to.

'''[[Brandish]]''': This feature was originally pledged as a reward for [[http://www.thegia.com | GIA]] readers who contributed a massive amount of money to keep the site alive. Sadly the site died before I could contribute it, but I wrote the game up anyway.

'''Castlevania''': How do you know the Belmonts are awesome? Because not only can they defeat an entire army of Hollywood movie monsters with a bullwhip, they do it while suffering from chronic back problems.
to:
!8-Bit Games

*
[[Bionic Commando]]: Until someone else comes up with a game that lets you explode Hitler's skull into a messy shower of blood, Bionic Commando will remain my favorite.
* '''[[060531 | Castlevania]]''': How do you know the Belmonts are awesome? Because not only can they defeat an entire army of Hollywood movie monsters with a bullwhip, they do it while suffering from chronic back problems. Also: '''[[Castlevania II Simon's Quest]]'''

!16-Bit Games

*
'''[[Brandish]]''': This feature was originally pledged as a reward for [[http://www.thegia.com | GIA]] readers who contributed a massive amount of money to keep the site alive. Sadly the site died before I could contribute it, but I wrote the game up anyway.

!32/64-Bit Games

!Current Gen Games

*
'''[[Animal Crossing]]''': For a brief while, these little babbling animal people were my friends. It was a sad time in my life.

!Portable Games

* '''[[A Week with Boktai]]''': Originally posted at 1UP but tragically lost to the mists of time. UNTIL NOW
*
'''[[Bionic Commando Elite Forces]]''': Kind of like Bionic Commando's mentally defective little brother. He's sweet-tempered and means well but it's really gross how he chews on the furniture and hits you in the crotch without meaning to.



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Changed line 44 from:
* [[Castlevaniaandfriends | Castlevania]] (Also: Vampire Killer, Haunted Castle, Super Castlevania IV, Castlevania Chronicles) | [['''Castlevania II: Simon's Quest''']]
to:
* '''[[060531 | Castlevania]]''' (Also: Vampire Killer, Haunted Castle, Super Castlevania IV, Castlevania Chronicles) | [['''Castlevania II: Simon's Quest''']]

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Changed line 44 from:
* [[Castlevaniaandfriends | Castlevania]] (Also: Vampire Killer, Haunted Castle, Super Castlevania IV, Castlevania Chronicles) | [[Castlevania II: Simon's Quest]]
to:
* [[Castlevaniaandfriends | Castlevania]] (Also: Vampire Killer, Haunted Castle, Super Castlevania IV, Castlevania Chronicles) | [['''Castlevania II: Simon's Quest''']]

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Changed lines 112-116 from:
* '''[[Metroid]]''':
*
'''[[Super Metroid]]''':
*
'''[[Metroid Prime]]''':
* '''[[Metroid Fusion]]
''':
to:
* '''[[Metroid]]''': Jellyfish... in... ''spaaaaace''. As a reward for rocking this game's face, you get to wade through lava in a swimsuit. Thanks, Nintendo!
*
'''[[Super Metroid]]''': Look, this is probably, quite simply, the best game ever made. Learn it, live it, love it.
* '''[[Metroid Prime]]''': It's a lot like Super Metroid, except in 3D. And boring.
* '''[[Metroid Fusion]]''': It's a lot like Super Metroid, too, but apparently designed by people who hate freedom.
Changed lines 119-122 from:
'''[[NamcoMuseum | Namco Museum Encore]]''':

'''[[Paper Mario]]''':
to:
'''[[NamcoMuseum | Namco Museum Encore]]''': A sixth Namco Museum might have seemed a bit like overkill, except for the fact that it had Rolling Thunder. And that made it wholly necessary.

'''[[Paper Mario]]''': Welcome to the new millennium, where the best Mario games are the weird spin-offs.
Changed lines 127-130 from:
'''[[Super Mario 64]]''':

'''[[Super
Mario Sunshine]]''':
to:
'''[[Super Mario 64]]''': Remember when Mario was innovative and important? Me too. Great times... ten years ago.

'''[[Super Mario Sunshine]]''': Nowhere near the work of genius that Mario 64 was... but still pretty great. Memo to haters: you suck.

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Added line 68:
* '''[[Final Fantasy XI]]''': Where it went multiplayer... but you can pretend it's not.

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Added lines 31-32:
'''[[A Week with Boktai]]''': Originally posted at 1UP but tragically lost to the mists of time. UNTIL NOW

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Changed line 11 from:
[+'''The Mario-thon'''+]\\
to:
[+'''[[Mariothon | The Mario-thon]]'''+]\\

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Changed lines 14-33 from:
* [[Mariothon1 | Part One]]: Donkey Kong | Donkey Kong Jr. | Donkey Kong 3
* [[Mariothon2 | Part Two]]: Mario Brothers | Wrecking Crew
* '''[[Mariothon3 | Part Three]]''': Super Mario Bros. | Super Mario Bros. 2j
* '''[[Mariothon4 | Part Four]]''': Super Mario Bros. 2
* '''[[Mariothon5 | Part Five]]''': Super Mario Bros. 3
* '''[[Mariothon6 | Part Six]]''': Super Mario World
* [[Mariothon7 | Part Seven]]: Super Mario Land | Super Mario Land 2 | Donkey Kong 94 | Mario Vs. Donkey Kong
* [[Mariothon8 | Part Eight]]: Wario Land | Wario Land Virtual Boy
* [[Mariothon9 | Part Nine]]: Yoshi's Island
* [[Mariothon10 | Part 10]]: Wario Land 2 | Wario Land 3 | Wario Land 4
* [[Mariothon11 | Part 11]]: Super Mario 64 | Super Mario Sunshine
* [[Mariothon12 | Part 12]]: Yoshi's Story | Yoshi's Touch 'N Go | Yoshi Tilt 'N' Tumble
* [[Mariothon13 | Part 13]]: Super Princess Peach
* [[Mariothon14 | Part 14]]: New Super Mario Bros.
* [[Mariothon15 | Part 15]]: Wario Thief
* [[Mariothon16 | Part 16]]: Super Paper Mario
* [[Mariothon17 | Part 17]]: Super Mario Galaxy
* Bonus: [[MarioKart | Mario Kart series]]

[+'''Metroidvania
'''+]\\
to:
[+'''[[Metroidvania]]'''+]\\

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Changed line 8 from:
[+'''Retro/Intro Spective'''+]\\
to:
[+'''[[1UP Retroblogs | Retro/Intro Spective]]'''+]\\
Deleted lines 10-24:
* Part One: '''[[Kenseiden]]'''
* Part Two: '''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'''
* Part Three: '''[[Crystalis]]'''
* Part Four: '''[[Ghost House]]'''
* Part Five: '''[[Transbot]]'''
* Part Six: '''[[Xenon 2]]'''
* Part Seven: '''[[Choplifter]]'''
* Part Eight: '''[[Rastan]]'''
* Part Nine: '''[[Thunder Blade]]'''
* Part Ten: '''[[Milon's Secret Castle]]'''
* Part Eleven: '''[[Tower of Druaga]]'''
* Part Twelve: '''[[Ms Pac-Man]]'''
* Part Thirteen: '''[[Electronic Gaming Monthly issue 1]]'''
* Part Fourteen: '''[[Harry Potter for NES]]'''

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Added lines 5-7:
[+'''[[1UP Retroblogs]]'''+]\\
Man, have you guys ever tried finding something from a few months back in a 1UP blog? It's, like, impossible. So here's a handy index for you.
Changed line 76 from:
* [[Castlevania]] (Also: Vampire Killer, Haunted Castle, Super Castlevania IV, Castlevania Chronicles) | [[Castlevania II: Simon's Quest]]
to:
* [[Castlevaniaandfriends | Castlevania]] (Also: Vampire Killer, Haunted Castle, Super Castlevania IV, Castlevania Chronicles) | [[Castlevania II: Simon's Quest]]

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Changed lines 28-31 from:
* [[Mariothon3 | Part Three]]: Super Mario Bros. | Super Mario Bros. 2j
* [[Mariothon4 | Part Four]]: Super Mario Bros. 2
* [[Mariothon5 | Part Five]]: Super Mario Bros. 3
* [[Mariothon6 | Part Six]]: Super Mario World
to:
* '''[[Mariothon3 | Part Three]]''': Super Mario Bros. | Super Mario Bros. 2j
* '''[[Mariothon4 | Part Four]]''': Super Mario Bros. 2
* '''[[Mariothon5 | Part Five]]''': Super Mario Bros. 3
* '''[[Mariothon6 | Part Six]]''': Super Mario World

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Changed line 28 from:
* [[Mariothon3 | Part Three]]: Super Mario Bros | Super Mario Bros. 2j
to:
* [[Mariothon3 | Part Three]]: Super Mario Bros. | Super Mario Bros. 2j
Changed lines 30-32 from:
* [[Mariothon5 | Part Five]]: Super Mario Bros. 3 | Super Mario World
* [[Mariothon6 | Part Six]]: Super Mario Land | Super Mario Land 2
* [[Mariothon7 | Part Seven]]: Donkey Kong 94 | Mario Vs. Donkey Kong
to:
* [[Mariothon5 | Part Five]]: Super Mario Bros. 3
* [[Mariothon6 | Part Six]]: Super Mario World
* [[Mariothon7 | Part Seven]]: Super Mario Land | Super Mario Land 2 | Donkey Kong 94 | Mario Vs. Donkey Kong

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Added lines 41-42:
* [[Mariothon16 | Part 16]]: Super Paper Mario
* [[Mariothon17 | Part 17]]: Super Mario Galaxy

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Added lines 43-45:
[+'''Metroidvania'''+]\\
Free-roaming side-scrolling exploration? Yes please. I love [[Metroidvania | these games]], maybe a little too much.

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Changed line 71 from:
* [[Castlevania: Bloodlines]]
to:
* [[Castlevania: Bloodlines]] | [[Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin]]

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Changed line 87 from:
* [[Final Fantasy VII]]: Where the fanboys lurk and jerk.
to:
* '''[[Final Fantasy VII]]''': Where the fanboys lurk and jerk.

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Changed lines 133-138 from:
'''[[Metroid]]''': Nintendo's last remaining franchise with any dignity. What's that, you say? Metroid Prime Pinball? Well never mind.

'''[[Metroid Fusion]]''':

'''[[Metroid Prime]]''':
to:
'''Metroid''': Nintendo's last remaining franchise with any dignity. What's that, you say? Metroid Prime Pinball? Well never mind.

*
'''[[Metroid]]''':
* '''[[Super Metroid]]''':
* '''[[Metroid Prime]]''':
* '''[[Metroid Fusion]]''':
Changed lines 152-155 from:
'''[[Super Mario Sunshine]]''':

'''[[Super Metroid]]''':
to:
'''[[Super Mario Sunshine]]''':

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Changed line 89 from:
* [[Final Fantasy IX]]: Where its creators cravenly attempted to appeal to the implacable "purist" bastards.
to:
* [[Final Fantasy IX]]: Where its creators became craven panderers.
Changed lines 94-99 from:
'''[[Final Fight One]]''':

'''[[Gals Fighters]]''':

'''[[Ghosts N Goblins]]''':
to:
'''[[Final Fight One]]''': I have spent quite a lot of money on Final Fight games over the years. This is because ''I am stupid''.

'''[[Gals Fighters]]''': The NGPC died too young. Any system can give us an all-girls fighting game (especially if its name starts with X), but only the NGPC could do it with such impeccably good taste.

'''[[Ghosts N Goblins]]''': Back in the early days of gaming, people didn't know right from wrong. They actually thought cruel emotional abuse was fun. Good thing we know better now, huh?
Changed lines 102-103 from:
'''[[Keio Yugekitai Katsugekihen]]''':
to:
'''[[Keio Yugekitai Katsugekihen]]''': The best game ''ever'' about underaged bunny-girls beating all manner of hell out of ancient demons with a squeaky mallet.
Changed lines 106-113 from:
* [[Klonoa1 | Klonoa: Door to Phantomile]]
* '''[[Klonoa2 | Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil]]'''
* '''[[KlonoaMM | Klonoa: Moonlight Museum]]'''
*
'''[[KlonoaGBA | Klonoa: Empire of Dreams]]'''
* [[KlonoaG2 | Klonoa G2: Dream Champ Tournament]]
* [[Klonoa Heroes]]
*
[[Klonoa Beach Volleyball]]
to:
* [[Klonoa1 | Klonoa: Door to Phantomile]]: The original and still the best.
*
'''[[Klonoa2 | Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil]]''': The sequel and still pretty OK.
*
'''[[KlonoaMM | Klonoa: Moonlight Museum]]''': The first handheld game and easily the blurriest.
* '''
[[KlonoaGBA | Klonoa: Empire of Dreams]]''': Good for its time but easily surpassed by...
* [[KlonoaG2 | Klonoa G2: Dream Champ Tournament]]: A completely swell portable puzzler.
* [[Klonoa Heroes]]: A generic action RPG with loose ties to Klonoa. Pfft.
* [[Klonoa Beach Volleyball]]: 100% more awesome than DOA Extreme Beach Volleyball.
Changed lines 116-119 from:
* '''[[ZeldaOracles | Oracle of Ages/Oracle of Seasons]]''':

'''[[Mario Kart Vs. Krazy Racers]]''':
to:
* '''[[ZeldaOracles | Oracle of Ages/Oracle of Seasons]]''': Proof that it ''is'' possible for a third party to make a good Zelda.

'''[[Mario Kart Vs. Krazy Racers]]''': Two portable racers enter, only one will leave. But both look like crap compared to Mario Kart DS.
Changed lines 122-128 from:
* '''[[Mega Man X5]]'''
* '''[[Mega Man X6]]'''
*
'''[[Mega Man Battle Network]]'''
* '''[[Mega Man Complete Works]]'''
* '''[[Mega Man Network Transmission]]'''
*
'''[[Rockman and Forte]]'''
to:
* '''[[Mega Man X5]]''': A flawed but well-meaning X.
*
'''[[Mega Man X6]]''': The worst thing Capcom has ever done? Quite possibly!
*
'''[[Mega Man Battle Network]]''': Man, I used to actually ''like'' Battle Network. Crazy.
* '''[[Mega Man Complete Works]]''': $30 apiece for all six Mega Man games? 32-bit retro standards ''sucked''.
* '''[[Mega Man Network Transmission]]''': Capcom still thinks that videogames are for sadists after all these years.
* '''[[Rockman and Forte]]''': Capcom passed over this once for U.S. release, and for good reason!
Changed lines 131-132 from:
'''[[Metal Slug Second Mission]]''':
to:
'''[[Metal Slug Second Mission]]''': The best Metal Slug ever. No, I said ''ever''.

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